Ok...trying to keep on task now that the venerable Angela is reading my Blog......but alas, not much to say this morning, so I'm going to post yesterday's journal entry...

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Over the weekend, there was a hummingbird that got caught in my mother’s garage. She (unless it was an adolescent male) kept flying up around the ceiling instead of lower, so it couldn’t get back out the open garage door. You could tell the poor thing was exhausted. It kept landing on the wires of the door opening mechanism. Since I couldn’t coax it down by talking to it, I grabbed a ladder and went up to it’s level. Have you ever held a humming bird in your hands? Did you ever even entertain the thought that someday it might happen? The poor bird was to tired that it didn’t even move when I was right next to it, touching it lightly, barely breathing, afraid that if I held it too tight I would crush it’s fragile body. Afraid that if I didn’t hold tight enough it would just escape and continue it’s mad flight. The first try, I didn’t grab tight enough to keep him in my hands, but it was enough to find out she was bleeding. I cannot even begin to describe the emotion that welled up inside of me when I saw the drop of blood on my hand. It was such a small drop on my palm, but it came from such a small, fragile creature, that drop might as well have been a bucket. It was crushing. After a few more attempts, I realized that capturing her by hand was not going to work. Eventually, we got her to alight on a bucket lip, and then lowered it below door level and outside. She was gone in an instant. Just like our lives…delicate, fragile, and when looking at the large picture, gone in an instant.

Ok...so I've been bad....no posts in a while...actually, I haven't written in my personal journal in almost the same length of time....So in the meantime...a slightly editied personal journal entry from the past...

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Ok kids, we’d better head out to Home Depot and pick up supplies because there’s going to be fences left and right today. I’m all over the board. Where to start…well let’s start with the planned rant of the day. I was watching ‘Going Tribal’ last night on the Discovery Channel, and it got me thinking. The host, Bruce Parry, was commenting on the tribal elders accepting some forms of change, such as the building of roads. I started thinking about the irony of the whole thing. Here this guy is, living with native peoples to learn their ways and cultures, but just by being there he is changing them by exposing them to technology.

And on that end, we have campaigns out there to end third-world hunger and drag as many countries as we can, kicking and screaming into the 21st century. But we produce shows showing how interesting these other cultures are and how they need to be preserved. You can’t make a technological society and expect them to retain the hidden charm of a hunter gatherer culture. Don’t get me wrong, I love the show, I love learning about other cultures. I just find the catch-22 situation interesting. You’re special, and we admire that, but could you possibly consider changing so you fit in with the rest of the world?

On to the fences…( Edited boy rant)

Speaking of boys…this whole new situation with T. (name edited to protect the'innocent') is looking to a big mess. He was supposed to be Alisha’s project. God forbid I not get involved. I didn’t even offer. He came to me. I hate saying no. It’s even harder when you get into a conversation with the person and they have some real issues. Then you start thinking ‘Can I help’? I’m not a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, or counselor. Why do I have this need to meddle? I suppose it’s the rose colored, let’s-make-the-world-a-better-place, optimistic, naiveté. I guess I just need to remember what it’s like to be young and think I have it all together. Hell, that’s me now. What gives me the credentials to help someone else?

The environment in their house is so chaotic. I can’t even begin to imagine counseling someone here, where it’s relatively calm and peaceful, then send them into that whirlwind and expect any advise to stick. I’d like to think Travis has possibilities, but not living where he is now. The only support he has is the support of the out-there type delusions. The unhealthy encouragement of the make believe. The entire household is so wrapped up in cyber-space, that I think sometime reality escapes them.

In other news, the lawn mower broke today. I guess I’ll have to go buy a new one. New lawnmower: $150. Utilities: $300. House payment: $700. Owning your own home, where you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, and finally feel like a grown-up: Priceless.

So I missed a few days. I'm still not entirely sure why I'm even putting entries on here. I only registered so I could comment on another blog. So I suppose I'll just post excerpts from my journal instead of trying to come with with new logs.

Originally written 8-18-05

You've got to love hormones. I've been so emotional lately. But on the up-hand side it's not the raging, angry, pissed off sort. It's the compassionate, sad, longing sort. Up-hand? Well, let's just say lesser of two evils.

I've been reading 'Every Person's Guide to Judaism' lately. They have such an amazing culture. And then I watch the news, and see what's going on over in the Gaza strip and it rips my heart out. How can you not cry over the destruction of not just individual lives, but an eons old culture. I realize that basing land possession on an ancient book may be a little out there, but people have taken land with far less 'proof'. Let's take for example the white men taking an entire continent from the Native Americans, stating 'Manifest Destiny'. No text in hand to support that movement. But I digress, I'll lament on that atrocity later.
I sit here reading articles about these people, about their own military forcibly removing them from their homes. These are a people who were enslaved by Egypt, scattered by Babylon, slaughtered in the Holocaust, brutalized in Russia, and now, less than sixty years after establishing themselves once again in their homeland, they are being slowly removed, exiled, and killed.

In their honor:

Oh Zion! We long to live within your walls.
Hear our lament!
We have wandered for too many years.
Ro’eh Yisrael! (Shepherd of Israel!)
Lead your people home.

Oh Zion! We long to feel your sun.
Hear our cries!
Our people wait to reclaim the Promise of Abraham
Tzur Yisrael! (Rock of Israel!)
Lead your people home.

Oh Zion! We yearn to walk your streets.
Hear our plea!
Will our roots ever be planted in the soils of our homeland again?
Kaddosh Yisrael! — (Holy One of Israel!)
Lead your people home.

Oh Zion! We are filled with joy.
Hear our songs!
For where our people live, there, Zion is.
Elohei Avraham, Yitzchak v'Ya'acov!(God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob!)
Your people are home.